Every Single Thing...

Initially, I felt it a double-whammy - - National Sibling's Day AND my brother's birthday? Wow. I marveled at the painful irony; but oh, that beautiful thing called perception. I decided to change mine. Instead of looking at the coincidence as a painful reminder that my brother is no longer here with me, I decided to smile in loving memory. I decided to smile, through my tears. Thinking, how appropriate that National Sibling's Day be celebrated on my dear sibling's birthday. ♥ Lord knows how much I love him, my kid brother. Always following me around. Always looking up to me... even when he grew to tower over me - he still looked up to me. Always there for me. He'd do ANYTHING for his sister. ♥ He had the BIGGEST HEART. We always LOVED one another. I am thankful that there was never a shortage of LOVE. We laughed so much. We could just look at each other and burst into laughter. His smile made me smile. He gave me the best hugs. He always cared so much about me. He made this so much harder for me because by being such an amazing little brother, he left such a big hole... so much for me to miss... and I do... I miss every single thing about him. I miss how he would laugh at his own corny jokes, whether you laughed with him or not - and you WOULD laugh with him. (smile) ... My daughter said the other day, she misses how he and I would hold her hands and make her jump when we walked... I miss that too. ♥ I miss watching action/super-hero movies with him. I miss cooking dinner for him. I miss spending the holidays with him. I miss remembering things with him. I miss the things we DIDN'T get a chance to do... We were planning to take a trip together... I miss that we never had the chance. I miss being his big sister. I miss it with every ounce of my being. I can truly say, I'm a better person because he loved me.


Most days it doesn't seem real. I still can't believe... it still just can't register for me, that you're not here with me, Brother. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. And on days like this, the wall of strength, or denial, or disbelief, avoidance, or whatever it is that allows me to make it through each day without you and Mommy, it all comes crashing down... and what's left in it's place is a pain more raw than anything I've ever felt. The pain of knowing I can't touch you, hold you, hear your voice, see you smile, or even wish you a happy birthday. It hurts. It hurts so bad I lose my breath at times. My chest is so tight. All I can say, is God. Oh God. Jesus. Please help me. .... And you know what? He does. He holds me close.

He comforts my heart. He wipes my tears. He reminds me that His ways are greater than mine. He reminds me that he gave me a gift in the time we DID have together. I had you. I thank God I got to be your sister. He fills my mind with sweet precious memories of you (and of Mommy), GIFTS I cherish... and somehow, I smile through my tears... He brings Niecey to my mind... your beautiful baby girl... another precious GIFT. A piece of you... and Mommy... I see so much of you, in her. I hug her so tight. I love her so much. I love you, Brother. I miss you. Happy birthday and Happy Siblings day to my dear sweet loving amazing Brother. I thank God upon every remembrance of you, James Wickliffe. ♥ I pray with every ounce of my being, you and Mommy rest in peace, until that beautiful glorious day, when we meet again.

With all my love,

Big Sis (back then, today, and always)

For all who are grieving the loss of a loved one...

I share my heart, my pain, my faith, my daily journey, with you. May God's perfect peace help us to smile through the tears.

 

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."  Romans 12:15"

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."  2 Corinthians 1:3-5

And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7 Amplified