ONE YEAR... One year... I keep saying it, but I can't make it feel real.

My heart has been heavy all month. I've felt full with the urge to write... but I haven't been able to bring myself to do so. One year? 365+ days? And yet and still, some days I have to force myself to accept that this is real. That day in the hospital really happened. I really can't hear your voice - your laugh. I miss it SO much. Deep inside of me, I long for you. I miss you more and more with each passing day. I so often dream of all the things we could and would have done together, the conversations we would have had... I miss our love. I miss our (im)perfect relationship. I miss being Your Sister. What I wouldn't do to have you here, to get on my nerves just one more time. Is that not a little brother's JOB? (smile). I miss you.

What hurts the most, is not seeing your face... knowing Sonya only had 8 months with you... and knowing that there was so much more life for you to live. These are the things that make it hard for me to breathe sometimes; the thoughts that coax tears from my eyes.

To those of you who have walked with me throughout this past year, everyone who is reading this... who've kept me in your prayers... and who are still here with me today... I thank you - from the bottom of my heart. I don't know where I'd be without you and words can't begin to express my deep gratitude and appreciation. Writing helps.

I'd like to share this song with you all.

I've been listening to it (on repeat), and it encourages me:

I Know the Plans - Martha Munizzi

I know the plans I have for you
I know just what you're going through
So when you can't see
what tomorrow holds
And yesterday is through,
Remember I know,
the plans I have for you

I know the plans I have for you
I know just what you're going through
So when you can't see
what tomorrow holds
And yesterday is through,
Remember I know,
the plans I have for you
   And here's the plan:
To give you hope for tomorrow
Joy for your sorrow
Strength for everything you go through
Remember I know the plans I have for you

Be strong. Be strong. I know the plans. Hold on. Hold on. 

You don't have to worry. I know the plans I have for you.

My ways are higher than your ways.

"I'll give you hope for tomorrow, joy for your sorrow, and strength for everything you go through... " 

 This is my prayer. I am holding on to this right now. I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here.

God, give me hope for tomorrow, joy for my sorrow, and strength for everything I've gone through. In Jesus' name. Amen.